Monday, February 19, 2018

A Special Hell

According to Shepherd Book there is a place in the special hell specifically reserved for those monsters who talk in the theater.  This past Sunday I had the 'pleasure' of reminding a couple in their 30's that color commentary during a movie was not appreciated  (way to ruin The Shape of Water a**h****).  The question is can we use technology to help with this problem?  Obviusly!  Two solutions came to my mind
1.  Ultra directional speakers.  It is possible to use ultra high fequencies of sound to create the effective behavior of traditonal sound waves, but with greater control of where those sound waves are heard.  It could be possible to make a special theater sound system that dynamically alters the sound for all audience members.  So if someone decides that they need to talk about how hot it is that the lady is about to make out with the fish dude, the speakers will send them a polite reminder that no, no one wants to hear them talk.

2.  paint ball guns: a little bit more low tech, by comparison, but by using microphones and a paint ball gun on a turret, the movie theater could automatically blast guests who are making too much noise.  In the short term the shouting about being stung by a high velocity pellet would be slightly more distracting, but audience members are more likely to get the point if pain is involved.

Or, bare with me here, people could not talk during the movies, it isn't hard, all society asks is that for 2 hours, when you are at a movie theater, don't take out your phone and don't talk.  we will all be the better for it




Option 3
have a theater that has actual ushers manually enforce a no talking rule, this author would be happy to pay a bit extra to go to a theater where talking is actually penalized


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